“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”.  Oh really?  I beg to differ. I understand this phrase may be good to remember in the short term when you are being verbally attacked. But we all know that the pain from words spoken, or not, can outlive physical injury.

I have been pondering the power of speech for quite a while, ever since a Vedic astrologer cautioned me that though I speak the truth, I sometimes “hurt people with my words.”  Those words he spoke to me held power as they struck a chord deep within me, and I knew I had to become more skillful in my speech.  This has been a long-term practice for me ever since.

My first approach was to practice silence: just keep my mouth shut.  Zip the lip potato chip.  I learned a lot from this practice.  Often the best way to use speech is to just keep quiet, for a number of reasons. Speech is energy, and sometimes we waste a lot of it in useless conversation, like talking about trivial things or trying to convince someone who disagrees with you who is simply not going to change their mind.  Why waste your energy?

The most important thing the silence taught me was to pause. A lot happened in that pause.  I was able to feel, think, and summon my higher self. It allowed me to look at the intent of my words.  Am I trying to convey information to actually enhance the conversation or resolve an issue?  Or was I trying to bring attention to myself, show how much I know, or who I know, prove I am right, put someone in their place, or inflict pain?

The pause allowed me to be more skillful when I did choose to speak. I saw how without the pause, my initial reaction was often based on old habitual reactions.  And then the other person might react likewise.  For example, speaking out of anger can escalate a situation rather than diffuse it.  I learned to step back to reflect on what I want to create in that moment and consider how to speak in a more skillful way to accomplish that.

In that pause, in that moment of intention before the speech, many of the practices of yoga I was engaged in began to guide me, including:

• ahimsa/non-harming

• virya/courage

• karuna/compassion

• svadhyaya/self-study

• upeksha/equanimity.

When I pause to tune into these aspects, the words then flow through me in a more skillful and effective way. Ultimately, my intention is to create more beauty and love in the world.  This is especially true in potentially conflictful situation.  In these instances I try to tune into a higher place in myself, remind myself of the qualities I want to manifest, and allow that to guide my words.

Our speech is so powerful, those words of the astrologer set off decades of practice for me, with very potent results. What effect do you want to have with your words? I invite you to consider how you work with your speech by considering the following.

• When is it necessary to speak?  Are there times when remaining silent is a good idea? When is it especially important for you to speak?

• What is your intention when you speak?

• Are there any particular qualities you would like to manifest through your speech?

• How can you summon your highest self to guide you in your speech?