What is yoga? How do you think about yoga? What is the role yoga has in your life?

I recently asked students to contemplate these questions, and I was so astounded by their replies. I tried to capture their wisdom in small phrases, and it ended up looking like this:

It is so important for us to all reflect on the impact our yoga has on our lives, to begin to connect the dots on how our daily practice, and our studies, slowly begins to manifest in our lives.

Yes, there was mention of a positive physical effect: mobility and strength, which is so crucial for us to live healthy and productive lives.

But by far the vast majority of responses reflected an understanding of the deep effects of yoga, how it transforms us, how it creates an ability to pause, to connect, have dialogue, to remember. How we are more kind, less judgmental, able to love more deeply. How it keeps us present, centered, in equilibrium, and mindful. We begin to have a greater awareness of when we’re “off.” It is a set of guiding principles, a way of learning, a measuring stick, that allows us to adjust to what is, and continue to evolve, and experience the full pulsation of what life offers.

As you can tell, this reflects an understanding that yoga is a whole lot more than postures on a sticky mat. It is a way of being that comes out of a deep connection with our Self.

I invite you to look within yourself to consider how your yoga manifests in your life.

And then, consider this:

What helps or encourages yoga, all these qualities? And what hinders or blocks?

And then, further consider: what are my next steps on the path?

My students reminded me that community was one of the greatest ways they felt encouragement on their path: the sense that there were other like-minded individuals walking with them. If you resonate with any of this, perhaps leave a note to share something about your path of yoga, so we can encourage each other in this way.

May in Boulder was one of the wettest on record, and consequently, the trails we love so much were a mess, because of the mud itself, but also because hikers are reluctant to get muddy. Yet at the start of many trails are clearly marked signs, “GET MUDDY”. But instead of doing so, some hikers go around the muck, and start creating now trails which then becomes even a greater mess.

This unwillingness to get muddy reflects a human tendency that is important for us, as yoga practitioners, to consider. We must look at this unwillingness to get muddy and ask ourselves: what are we avoiding? What is there in the mud that is so bad, so frightening? And might our wading into the muck be exactly what we need to keep steady on our path, rather than divert our course?

One misunderstanding of yoga is that it is all about light, enlightenment, bliss, beauty, and so on. And yes, that is definitely part of the experience. However, any authentic spiritual path will acknowledge that there are difficult times, times where navigating the path is challenging, and we may be tempted to avoid or circumvent the circumstances, or even give up. Yet between where we are on the path, and the journey we need to traverse to move toward the light, are the muddy parts. The parts that are clouded, cloaked, and in the way.

Yoga philosophy gives many different descriptions of this mud, these obstacles on our path, the cloaking of our innermost self. And it further acknowledges that these are in fact the source of our suffering, so encountering them can be painful. Yet just because of some temporary challenges, the muck you have to wade through, do you give up and turn around?

In fact, one component of our practices is precisely the stirring up of the muck, all our unconscious obstacles that block us from deepening our awareness. Do we want to keep sidestepping these issues? Notice how in the physical world that just creates a bigger mess of mud. Likewise in our lives it is much more effective to move forward instead of sideways.

So may we each go ahead and move through it, traverse the challenging muck, and see what is waiting on the other side. The worst that happens is we get our feet wet or our shoes dirty, which to me is a sign of a path well-travelled, our willingness to explore what is being offered in this life, what is possible. To see where the path leads.

My hikes all over the world have often taken me into the mud, and arriving on the other side I’ve experienced some of the most treasured moments of my lifetime. But I had to be willing to get muddy, to get down and dirty. to experience the goo and gunk that was standing in the way. Slipping and sliding, even falling down and getting muddy, then getting up to continue.

The journey is worth it.

Likewise our journey in our yoga practice is worth it. It is worth it to choose to continue to practice even when it seems dark, muddy, challenging and unpleasant. We have to be willing to move trough the muddy places, or we will never experience the delights that lay beyond.

In these dark days around the winter solstice, I’ve been diving and digging deep, assessing the past year and considering the next year.  What emerged from these ponderings is a guiding word for me for the coming year: CONNECT.

As it continued to assert itself, and I let it settle, I had to laugh. Because, of course, CONNECT is another way to say yoga. 
And because of that I resisted it, considering spicier words like spacious, clarity, travel, and dharma. Yet CONNECT kept calling to me, so I’m gonna stick with it, because there are specific ways and means I want to CONNECT.

As always, HIGHEST FIRST:  CONNECTing with my Self. First through practice. Each and every day, connect to that highest place in myself.  Cultivate an established CONNECTion that grants me ready access.  Create a conduit within myself that allows me to channel that which will be of greatest service.

Then, take time to CONNECT and access that channel in any given situation.  Pause to CONNECT to the highest, wisest, most loving place I can muster. And act from the CONNECTed place. With each action, I want to remember the CONNECTion I have with all beings. I want to look closely at how I participate in creating separation, and make choices that acknowledge the CONNECTedness of all beings.

This year as well, I want to dive even deeper into the teachings.
 I want to create a more personal CONNECTion with them through deeper contemplation and application in my life.

And, I want to help others CONNECT to the teachings.  To do this I need to CONNECT with people who need to hear what I have to offer. This one is a little mysterious to me, so I’m just throwing this out to the universe as an intention and see what comes back.

As part of that I want to CONNECT people in community. I want to continue to gather like-minded individuals together for practice, study, and well, CONNECTion. I want to do this in a bigger way on-line this year, and I am hoping to find ways to open people up to making a deeper and sincere CONNECTion with each other around the teachings.

As well, I want to CONNECT with writing. It is a love of mine, and I’ve been a bit shy and fearful about putting stuff out there, but I want to make it happen. I could use some encouragement here.

And I want to reCONNECT with old friends, and CONNECT with new ones. I’ve been feeling a little personally isolated of late. I need to be held a little more.

As we move through the year, I hope you will help me CONNECT, with some reminders, reflection, and love.

CHOOSE YOUR WORD:

If you would like to come up with a word to guide your year, try out these contemplations.  You will likely want to do these steps over a period of a few days to let your ideas percolate and settle.

1. Contemplate what you want to have happen in the next year. What would your ideal day look like? What will you do? How will you feel? Consider qualities you want to develop and what your heart really needs. Describe in your journal.

2. Look at what emerged in your writing and make a list of the words that most evoke the sense of what you want to cultivate in 2015.

3. Consider this list and which words resonate with you most. Narrow it down to the most potent 3-5 words. Perhaps journal on each of these to see which yields the most or feels the best.  If you have trouble coming up with a final word, randomly choose one and see if you register any disappointment, and if so, choose another one and see how it feels, until you finally settle on the one that feels right.

 How

did the rose

ever open its heart

and give to this world all of its beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light against its being,

otherwise we all remain too

frightened.

~Hafiz

This poem from Hafiz is one of my very favorite poems, in large part because I believe it relates so well to how to live our lives as yogis.

FEELING THE ENCOURAGEMENT OF LIGHT

I usually end my yoga classes with folded hands, bowed head, and a few words acknowledging a place of light and love that dwells within each of us. For me this is an acknowledgement of the place of light and love. This is how I think of my innermost self, and the essence of all beings. Beyond stretching and strengthening our bodies, yoga is intended to help create a connection to, and experience of, that place of light. Our yoga practice creates that connection, which may be felt clearly and consciously like the light of the sun, or may flow more undetected like an underground river. That connection allows us to feel the encouragement of the source light. Our lives begin to open and flow more smoothly, being fed from this source.

OTHERWISE WE ALL REMAIN TOO FRIGHTENED

One of the saddest things for me is to see a shriveled rose bud that has never opened.

Many of us keep our buds closed, we are frightened for whatever reason. Perhaps we were taught to do so, or it feels safer.

Although fear can be useful in some situations, it often acts as an obstacle in our lives, along with a whole lot of other baggage we carry around, all our habitual patterns. When we connect with the source light, that encouragement helps us face those fears, choose to move through them. The challenges begin to resolve, sometimes consciously, but sometimes just naturally and without our notice. That connection creates an en-courage-ment, courage to move from our hearts.

GIVE TO THIS WORLD ALL ITS BEAUTY

When we become connected to source, we naturally want to live our lives fully, and express our own individual gifts, whatever they may be. The rose simply blooms. The mother fully express her love to her child, the scientist begins to see the cause and effect connections more clearly, the writer can articulate more fully. Your smile radiates the inner light. We each have something beautiful and unique to give to this world, and the world desperately needs us to do so. There cannot be too much beauty, especially in this time when society seems to feed off negativity.

BE THE LIGHT OF ENCOURAGEMENT

In this world full of negativity, I feel it is so important for yogis to be the encouragement of light. Not in a surface or play-acting saccharine way, but to truly be pillars of light. We each must first maintain our connection to essence, then let that stream through us in all our activities. In this way, we encourage and inspire others, help them connect to source, build the strength to face their fears, open their hearts, and give to this world their beauty.

CONTEMPLATIONS

How/what makes you feel the encouragement of light in your life?

What keeps you frightened?

How can you engage more in activities that support connecting with the light rather than inducing fear?

How can you give your beauty to the world? What are your gifts?

How can you encourage others, and therefore be the light that allows others to bring forth their beauty?

Every year spring blows my mind, how it just happens. How everything seems brown and dead, then you begin to see the tendrils of green in the midst of the brown, and before you know it whole plants and flowers have come back to life. Somehow the elements of water and light have combined with the dormant seeds and plants to create just the right conditions for the new sprouts.

On a beautiful spring day I went out to survey my garden, considering which vegetables I’d plant this year. As I dreamed of my first greens and tomatoes, I realized there was already a lot growing, mostly weeds.  A lot of weeds.  These were the plants I had let go at the end of the last season, too harried trying to harvest the last of the tomatoes and basil as the first frost came. So I have a lot of work to do between eliminating those weeds, preparing the soil, and planting the seeds for my future garden. I tend to favor the cultivating and planting, and not the weeding.  Yet those weeds will not be ignored, they just keep perpetuating themselves the more I ignore them.

I am so struck by how my thoughts about the workings of my garden coincide with the teachings of yoga, and how yoga works.  Our lives are each a garden which we can consciously cultivate. A healthy garden requires constant tending: cultivating the soil, planning seeds, nurturing the plans, and…pulling those damn weeds. Each of our actions is a seed that we sow.  Some of them grow into sturdy healthy plants that nourish us.  Some of our actions are more like the weeds, they just get in the way and take nourishment and light away from the healthy plants. In the garden of our lives, we must choose: which do we cultivate?  Which do we eliminate?

When I first moved into my house, the garden was full of huge weeds, and the first summer it was all I could do to remove the weeds from the hard-packed Colorado clay soil, and amend the soil for the next spring’s planting.  This coincided with a time in my life after the crash of a romantic relationship, when I was preparing for a whole new life. I wasn’t really ready to plant new seeds, new ways of being, as I first had to clear out a lot of old stuff, and prepare the ground of my being for what was to come next.

Oftentimes we plant seeds that just don’t sprout.  Perhaps the seeds are too old, like our old ways of being that no longer serve us.  Sometimes the seeds sprout, but the results are sickly, not robust.  This could be due to not properly tending the seedlings, or perhaps there is some condition in the soil that is not quite right.  Perhaps the time is not right, it is too early or too late in the season.

So as I plan this year’s garden, I find myself looking at my life as a whole.  And I remember, spring doesn’t just happen in my garden. Those seeds have been dormant, waiting for conducive conditions to sprout. The weeds are what I have allowed to persist in my garden, I haven’t gotten down to their roots, so they keep coming back.  Primary to the whole process is the condition of the soil in which we plant the seeds, and how we nurture them once sown. If the conditions aren’t right, the seeds will not thrive.

The beautiful thing about the garden of our lives is that it is a garden, not a forest.    We can consciously cultivate it.  Granted there are forces that are beyond our control, as any gardener knows. Yet we can choose which seeds to sow, which weeds to pull….and we can prepare the soil for the best potential outcome.

I have been cultivating the soil in the garden of my life through my practices, so that any seeds I plant have the healthiest conditions possible in which to grow.  I have been practicing, meditating, studying, contemplating, and journaling.  I have been enriching the soil of my being with these practices.  Looking at my life from a clearer place I can see the weeds, the habits I keep perpetuating that act to choke out any new seedlings, and little by little I am removing them.  And I am considering which seeds to plant, what new ways of being and new projects I want to cultivate.

Consider the garden of your life through contemplation and journaling:

WEEDING
– What are the most persistent weeds in your life?
– What habitual patterns are getting in the way of cultivating a more healthy and productive way of being?
– How can you eliminate them?  Do you need support?  What are some practical actions you can take?
– Remember: weeds are really hard to get rid of, persistence is key.

PREPARING THE SOIL
– What do you do to take care of yourself?
– What creates health for you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?
– Amend the soil of your life by practicing what creates greater health and clarity.

PLANTING NEW SEEDS
– What would you like to cultivate most in your life right now?
– How can you do that?  Do you need support? What are some practical actions you can take?

NURTURE THE SEEDS
– Remember that the success of any new planting depends on continuing to remove the weeds, and keep the soil and conditions around the plant healthy.  How can you do this?

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”.  Oh really?  I beg to differ. I understand this phrase may be good to remember in the short term when you are being verbally attacked. But we all know that the pain from words spoken, or not, can outlive physical injury.

I have been pondering the power of speech for quite a while, ever since a Vedic astrologer cautioned me that though I speak the truth, I sometimes “hurt people with my words.”  Those words he spoke to me held power as they struck a chord deep within me, and I knew I had to become more skillful in my speech.  This has been a long-term practice for me ever since.

My first approach was to practice silence: just keep my mouth shut.  Zip the lip potato chip.  I learned a lot from this practice.  Often the best way to use speech is to just keep quiet, for a number of reasons. Speech is energy, and sometimes we waste a lot of it in useless conversation, like talking about trivial things or trying to convince someone who disagrees with you who is simply not going to change their mind.  Why waste your energy?

The most important thing the silence taught me was to pause. A lot happened in that pause.  I was able to feel, think, and summon my higher self. It allowed me to look at the intent of my words.  Am I trying to convey information to actually enhance the conversation or resolve an issue?  Or was I trying to bring attention to myself, show how much I know, or who I know, prove I am right, put someone in their place, or inflict pain?

The pause allowed me to be more skillful when I did choose to speak. I saw how without the pause, my initial reaction was often based on old habitual reactions.  And then the other person might react likewise.  For example, speaking out of anger can escalate a situation rather than diffuse it.  I learned to step back to reflect on what I want to create in that moment and consider how to speak in a more skillful way to accomplish that.

In that pause, in that moment of intention before the speech, many of the practices of yoga I was engaged in began to guide me, including:

• ahimsa/non-harming

• virya/courage

• karuna/compassion

• svadhyaya/self-study

• upeksha/equanimity.

When I pause to tune into these aspects, the words then flow through me in a more skillful and effective way. Ultimately, my intention is to create more beauty and love in the world.  This is especially true in potentially conflictful situation.  In these instances I try to tune into a higher place in myself, remind myself of the qualities I want to manifest, and allow that to guide my words.

Our speech is so powerful, those words of the astrologer set off decades of practice for me, with very potent results. What effect do you want to have with your words? I invite you to consider how you work with your speech by considering the following.

• When is it necessary to speak?  Are there times when remaining silent is a good idea? When is it especially important for you to speak?

• What is your intention when you speak?

• Are there any particular qualities you would like to manifest through your speech?

• How can you summon your highest self to guide you in your speech?

There is a tension in the yoga world that creates a great deal of confusion, which I have struggled with during my 30 years of practice.  As I’ve moved through different yoga schools and negotiated the challenges of teaching in our modern environment, I have been perplexed trying to honor lineage and tradition while making the teaching applicable to the reality of the modern world.

My confusion reflects a basic dichotomy that runs through the history of yoga that can be encapsulated with the contrast of the renunciate and householder paths of yoga.  Renunciates are those who renounce of withdraw from the world (with their practices, but also physically, e.g, into ashrams), claiming that the material world can only bring bondage and suffering.  Householders, on the other hand, are those who live in the world with careers, family, and homes.

My own path of yoga has wound through both these paths, and I’ve landed squarely on the middle ground, causing me to face the paradox of yoga each and every day.

I began my practice in a very rigorous Hatha yoga school that emphasized breath, bandha, a steady gaze, and a prescribed sequence of postures.  It required immense discipline, focus and dedication, practicing asana (yoga postures) at least 2 hours a day, 6 days a week. I threw myself into the practice for many years, travelling to India to study directly with its founder. I developed a strong body and a disciplined demeanor.  I also suffered a variety of physical injuries as my teachers and I worked to contort my body into the prescribed postures. It felt harsh and controlling.

Meanwhile I began to have larger questions about the path and started investigating the philosophy underlying the practice.  I studied the Yoga Sutras which seemed to be THE text of yoga, or at least the one with several available English translations.  This text clearly delineates a renunciate path, turning awareness inward and away from the world.  I began to see how such a philosophy can lead to a strict and controlling approach toward the body and mind, which was what I was experiencing in my asana practice.

I was perplexed and found myself asking again and again: if the goal of yoga is to subjugate the body and withdraw the mind from the world, then why are we born into these bodies in this world with such active minds?  The philosophical answers never sat right with me. I was clearly not interested in being a renunciate, even while I had an intense desire for a greater spiritual awareness.

So when I encountered a Hatha yoga school that honored the body, mind, and all of manifestation as part of a Divine pulsation, it drew me in.  It resonated with what I sensed intuitively.   It was such a relief to hear that life is a gift to be enjoyed and savored.  It felt right to begin practice with a softening and opening. Play, beauty and delight were emphasized.  I learned the underlying philosophy was Tantric, which acknowledges the householder path.

Though it was music to my ears, resonating deeply with my heart,  I often felt uncomfortable in that school with its emphasis on play and delight and dancing on the surface of life.  It felt ungrounded and undisciplined.

The first school taught me to turn in and connect with a deeper part of myself. The second school taught me to honor and delight in the gift of my embodied life.  I felt lucky to have experienced both of them and that each had a piece of the truth, and I struggled to reconcile them.

Finally I realized what was missing from both these Hatha yoga schools was the practice of meditation.  In both, there was a sense that one should be meditating, but the method was not clear.  So when I saw the opportunity to begin studying a Tantric based meditation method, I dove right in.

Along with the meditation practice, I learned a new theory of the practice for householders which allowed me to integrate my previous experiences.  I came full circle back to the teachings of the Yoga Sutra with its emphasis on disciplined practice.  Meditation draws our awareness away from the outer world to connect with something deeper inside, and it requires the discipline I learned in my early years to make my way to my cushion daily.

The subsequent philosophical developments of Tantra teach that there is more, as I’d always intuited. The meditative state is not the end, but just the beginning. Through meditation we connect to the ground of being, which supports us as we then move into our everyday activities. This is how I currently live the paradox of yoga.

The connection cultivated in meditation is like a current that runs from deep within and energizes my activities. This optimizes my life as a householder, in part because my actions reflect this connection, which makes them more skillful. Further, the deep introversive practice allows me to more clearly see and experience the beauty in the world from a place that is grounded in Source. In these and other ways, I’m finding the practice of Tantric meditation allows me to integrate practices that create grounding and clarity with living my life as a householder fully.

As part of my transition from 2013 to 2014, I participated in an on-line women’s retreat, in which I wrote to my future self with “Instructions For Freedom.” Here’s what emerged.

– Highest first.
This is a teaching I’ve heard from my teachers. For me it means to remember to check in with my highest self. It means to choose the option that corresponds to my loftiest goals. It means to put my practices high on my everyday “to do” list.

– Love is all there is. Remember this.
I know this, but I forget. I get caught up in the day-to-day challenges, stress, hormonal fluctuations, weather, what have you. Then I might do something I regret, and when once more I get connected to my heart, I am so sad for words or actions that came from anger or frustration, rather than a place of love.

– Practice.
This pertains primarily to my twice a day meditation practice: just do it. I never regret having done it, but I do regret skipping it.

– Receive grace, in whatever form it comes.
By this I mean both positive or negative. Each presents its challenges, and I want to meet each with equanimity. I feel that sometimes I keep myself closed to receiving what the divine is offering by thinking it should take a particular form.

– Worrying is a waste of time. Stop it.
Sometimes I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the future. It robs me from being in the present moment. I lose sleep. I make bad decisions when I am in this place. I suspect that if I am able to do the instructions above, this one will happen automatically.

– Get out of the way and allow the divine to flow through you in all you do.
I’ve gotten a taste of this as I’ve moved closer to my heart with my practices. The more I can allow myself to be a conduit for the divine, rather than trying to do it with my individual self, the better the outcome.

– Serve.
I truly want my work to be of service to others. I continue to struggle to manifest this. So I put this out there as a sort of a prayer and reminder.

– Stop comparing.
Akin to worrying, I find constantly comparing myself to others to be a waste of time.

– Others can be a reflection for you, but ultimately you must let go of what other people think.
I acknowledge that it is important for us to give and receive feedback to/from our family, friends, and colleagues. Yet I must receive feedback about my actions from others in a discerning way, ultimately referencing back to many of the above points: Did my action come from the highest? Is it reflective of love and service?

– Believe in yourself.
A bit of a double entendre here. Many of the above instructions will lead to a greater connection to the essential Self. Believe in yourself when you move from that place.

I invite you to consider what instructions for freedom you would write to your future self. Please feel free to share them here.

As I was working out at RallySport last week, I saw a news story about yet another person who entered a school with a gun and a lot of ammunition intent on killing a bunch of kids and himself.  Then I didn’t hear anything else about it, until I saw a story on-line about the woman in the office of the school who apparently talked this gunman out of completing his intended acts.  I watched a 15 minute video of her explaining what went on in her head,  how she related to him, and what she said.  I was so intrigued because I often wonder how I would react if I found myself in a similar situation.

Two things stood out for me in this video.  The first was that she remembered a teaching from her church to “anchor yourself in God.”  And second, she said she saw herself and her own children in this disturbed young man preparing to do so much harm.  She watched him load his gun, and he even fired some shots near her.  She just keep talking to him, connecting with him, reminding him of a greater part of himself.

This woman is a hero to me, and her actions are an example of courage and grace.  They are also an example of how I see yoga working.  She anchored herself in Source and remembered that underneath our skin, underneath our actions, we all come from that same Source.

Her words and actions remind me very much of a teaching from the Yoga Sutras that lists qualities to cultivate on the path of yoga including shraddha, virya, and smriti.  Shraddha is faith, and virya is strength, and she exemplified both of these with her steadfast determination to anchor herself in God.  And she remembered (smriti).  She remembered her own challenges, and those of her children.  She remembered to anchor herself in something greater.  She remembered that the divine manifests in many different ways, including her own disabled child, and this disturbed young man.

Her actions reminded me why both the teachings/philosophy of yoga and the practice are so important for how we meet challenges in our lives. Her actions reminded me that the path of yoga I prefer is about both anchoring ourselves in the Divine and seeing the divine in others.  And further, that anchoring allows us to continue to refine our understanding and act in ways that create more beauty and harmony in the world, rather than more death and destruction. In this way, each of us can be a hero in our own lives.

CONTEMPLATION:
Sit quietly and ask yourself: what do I anchor myself in?  How do I anchor myself?
Allow yourself to sit with these questions for a few moments, then journal about it.